Dear Birth Mother,
Thank you for reading our letter – we know this is probably a difficult time for you. We are so grateful to you for considering adoption. We tried to conceive and bear our own child over the past several years, but we were not successful. Thankfully adoption is very familiar and comfortable for us and for our families – a child who joins our family through adoption will be very loved and accepted. We will be caring for our child at home as both of us can adapt our schedules so that we put caring for our child as our number one priority. It feels like we’ve been waiting forever to become a family. When we’re blessed with a child to love, we know it will be right.
We have so much we want to share with a child. Every day we anticipate what our day-to-day life as a family will be like someday. We both love to be creative and have lots of art in our home. You can easily imagine paper spread across the floor with a rainbow selection of markers, brushes and paint. We’ll sit together at the kitchen table over yarn and macaroni projects. Our walls will proudly display our child’s art. We want to encourage creative play that is responsive to our child’s interests: making costumes, dancing to music, visiting fire stations to climb on big trucks and walking to the library where we’ll sit and read books.
We’re very prepared to care for and support a child. We are looking forward to changing our work schedules when a baby arrives. We feel lucky that, between the two of us, we will be able to adjust our schedules to care for our child in our home during the first year. We’ve started saving so that our child will have the financial support to pursue education and career opportunities as well. We’re a young couple and we are very active, both as individuals and as a couple; we want you to feel reassured that your child will have energetic parents who enjoy hiking, yoga, bike riding, and going to the gym. We are looking forward to discovering what activities and sports our child will enjoy – perhaps he or she will be interested in martial arts, skateboarding, or basketball. We will help our child understand nutrition, health and age-appropriate approaches to stress reduction since these are all helpful for a productive and long life.
Living in Boston gives us access to lots of great places to explore together: the Boston Children’s Museum, the New England Aquarium, the Museum of Science, the Boston Ballet and lots of live music and theater that is geared toward children. We’ll have lots to choose from so we can find what our child enjoys best.
Boston also provides a diverse community with lots of families with two moms, two dads, single parents, and families of many different and mixed races and traditions. Many our closest friends in Boston are part of interracial and interfaith families: Dan and Kimiko and their two sons; Shereen and David and their daughter; and Lani and her two children. We have other close friends who are in two mom couples, such as Abigail and Marjorie and their two sons. No matter who our child is, he or she will be able to meet others in similar families and to feel as though his or her family is as valued as other families in the community.
We both have very personal connections to adoption. When she was young, J.L.’s mother made an adoption plan for her first daughter. Since then, her mom had and raised two more daughters: J. L. and her sister. In recent years we have met J. L.’s half-sister, and we have traveled to Arizona to visit her and her family. Getting to know her and welcoming her into our family has been an exciting process. Also, Eve’s cousin was adopted and welcomed warmly into their family. As an adult, that same cousin has adopted a son through the same agency that found her a home. In addition, two very close friends, who were also part of our wedding party, recently adopted a son through an open adoption agency in Oregon. Their son is now four and is growing up knowing his birth mom. We feel lucky to have their examples for how children can grow up understanding their adoption and feeling good about themselves.
We want you to know that we admire you for choosing an adoption plan for your baby. It takes a lot of trust and faith to let others care for a child you’ve brought into this world. It’s a difficult and personal decision; we can only imagine how you feel. We will make every effort to live up to your trust and be worthy of it.
We think taking time to explore is important for children as well as adults. We have lots of places to explore right here in Boston, where we live. We are excited to take our child on fun subway rides to the Boston Public Garden and to see the “Make Way for Ducklings” sculpture, based on the children’s book by that name. This past summer, we bought a membership to the Massachusetts Audubon Wildlife Sanctuaries; we look forward to someday, walking hand in hand with our child, taking day hikes into protected woodlands to see animals and plants, to enjoy the calm of quiet places, and to run in the fields. When rainy or snowy days keep us inside, we’ll build blanket forts together and use our imagination to create stories of why we’re there.
Most importantly, we look forward to spending time together as a family. We anticipate making sit down family dinners a habit and a touchstone for our daily and weekly lives together, maintaining family time even when he or she grows to have more independent activities. We have an active spiritual life and believe that providing our child with a sense of spirituality and a religious community is important. We hope to emphasize the values of respecting others, appreciating differences, acknowledging others’ strengths and being kind to those in need.
We have been a couple since 1998. We met at the statewide union convention in Corvallis, Oregon. J.L. was representing Oregon Public Broadcasting, and Eve was representing the Parry Center for Children. We immediately hit it off, and our playful banter was present in the very first moments of our relationship. We hope to bring that playfulness into our family as well.
J.L. was born in Portland, Oregon, and lived there almost all her life. Her mother grew up on a farm in Oregon’s Willamette Valley. Eve was born in New Orleans, Louisiana and grew up in San Antonio, Texas. She moved to Oregon in 1991 to attend Reed College, but liked it there so much she stayed after she graduated. We both have some of our closest friends and families still in Oregon.
We moved to Massachusetts in 1999 for Eve to attend graduate school. We had only intended to stay for two years, but now we own a home here, are legally married here, and have many close friends here. We are both definitely city people and hope to always live in a city where we can remain a one-car family, have access to theater, art, and interesting movies, and can walk to parks and good restaurants. We both loved that about Portland and have loved it just as much about Boston.
Eve works with adults and teenagers using talking, writing, drama, art and music to help her clients to be happier and healthier in their lives. She is a published poet, a fiction writer, and a playwright and felt drawn to Lesley University’s Expressive Therapy program because it provided a way to combine the arts with a career in which she could make a living. Eve appreciates the relationships she has formed with many of her long-term clients. Fifteen years ago, Eve worked in a residential program in Oregon and she became so deeply attached to the boys with whom she worked that she finds herself still thinking about them today. Eve finds her work meaningful and satisfying.
J.L. worked for many years for nonprofit social service agencies, but has recently begun a career change. For the past few years she is working on going back to school to pursue a degree in engineering. Her new career path of engineering has become a perfect culmination of her interest in learnng more about how things work as well as her interest in design. Recently she completed a project that increases the access of impoverished families to supplies of water. J.L. designed a rolling water barrel that can be used in rural desert communities to carry water. In areas where similar barrels have been distributed, girls, who previously spent their days making several trips to distant wells, can now go to school. The water barrels make it possible for the girls to bring home enough water for their families in one trip.. J. L. really believes that the world can be better, and she loves being able to use design and engineering skills to make people’s lives easier and more efficient.
Luckily, while she is a student, J. L. will be able to adjust her school schedule around our child’s needs. Later when our son or daughter is in school, she’ll return to work part time. Eve’s schedule is also adaptable to whatever schedule our family requires, and she works less than a mile from our home, making her available during the day for anything our child needs.
Eve is an only child and close to her parents who are very excited to be grandparents. We are also lucky to see them frequently because they spend every summer in Vermont, where we all enjoy beautiful and peaceful walks in the Green Mountains and leisurely afternoons reading. Each spring, we meet them in Miami for a visit with Eve’s aunt, uncle, and many cousins.
If you choose us, we hope you will want a lifetime relationship of some kind with the birth mother of our child. Might you mean something like: If you choose us, we hope you will want a lifetime relationship of some kind as we think this could be a warm experience for our child, for you and for us. We chose to adopt through Full Circle rather than other adoption agencies because of the opportunity to have a different kind of story to tell our child. We’re eager to talk with you about your hopes and what types of contact you’d find comfortable. We would be happy to send photo and letter updates if you’d like, and we could explore if you would like visits and how often. We’re open to you being a part of our lives, if that is something you would want, now or later, and in whatever way you are comfortable. We are prepared to respect your privacy. Most importantly, we want our child to know where he or she comes from and that you chose adoption out of love.
As we close this letter, we want you to know that we look forward to giving love, opportunities, adventures and support to the child we are lucky enough to adopt. We will listen carefully so that we help our child realize their own dreams. When taking a vacation, we imagine what adventures we want our children to have. When we’re at work, we envision helping our children find the path to work that they’re good at and can be proud of. In our community, we feel the warmth of family and friends and look forward to our children feeling loved by them.
We are lucky to have a home filled with laughter, love, and many adventures, and we hope to fill it with yet more joy as we share it all with our child. More than anything, we want you to know that if you choose us to parent your baby, he or she will be very loved and cared for. We are ready for parenting and know that it will be more rewarding than we can even imagine.
We hope we’ll have a chance to talk with you or meet you; we’ll be happy to meet with you in your state, if you live outside of Massachusetts. We’d be honored to travel so that you could get a chance to meet us, in person. If you’d like to talk or get together, thanks for letting Full Circle know: 1-800-452-3678. They’re available 24/7. Thanks again for considering us.