When I was growing up in the 60s, divorce was rarely spoken of and, if it occurred, there was a fair amount of shame associated with the disclosure. If parents divorced and remarried, there were complex family dynamics that ensued for parents, step-parents and step-children. Everyone had labels, roles, and aching hearts. We walked on eggshells a lot of the time. I suspect many of...
Most 21-year-olds spend their time wondering what they’re going to do on Saturday night, if they’ll be able to find work in their field of study after college, when their significant other is going to say “I love you.” Most 21-year-olds also haven’t gone through an unexpected pregnancy and adoption. In that regard, I am not like most 21-year-olds. I spent my twenty-first birthday at...
As a guest lecturer in Professor Grotevant’s adoption class at UMASS/Amherst, I thought to lead the students in an exercise that would give them a sense of the domestic adoption experience. As often happens when one teaches others, I also left class enriched with new insights and thoughts for the future. I divided up the class into roughly two groups – one group was to be...
One’s faith is surely tested in the process of adoption. Whether waiting for an international referral, or, waiting, for the expectant parents to choose the adopter(s), in the context of domestic adoption, the wait can feel interminable. Each minute seems like an hour and each month feels like an eternity. Over the past 22 years in the adoption field, I’ve seen some patterns worth articulating in...
Prospective adopters, researching on the web, learn that there are a number of types of adoption professionals. [1] Since so many states allow facilitators to match and allow attorneys to handle adoptive placements, and Massachusetts does not, a discerning adopter begins to have questions about what it means for their adoption process to be living in an, “agency state.” A few states (e.g. Connecticut, Colorado,...
It started as a conversation about colonoscopies and ended as a family reunion. My friend Lauren was facing the prospect of a medical test and emailed friends, interested to hear the experiences of others. It’s so important to encourage people to take this test; I emailed her, “Give me a call.” I’d known Lauren casually in a larger circle of friends for about a decade....
JULIET: What’s in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet; So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call’d, Retain that dear perfection which he owes Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. ~Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet Many years ago, we were working with prospective adoptive parents who were initially hesitant about...
The Supreme Court handed down a decision regarding gay marriage and, in the course of the opinion, conveyed information relevant to child welfare. This essay will describe key aspects of the opinion and discuss these as they apply to adoptions by parents who have a same-gender partner or spouse...