Introduction
Dear Expectant Mother,
Thank you.
These are two wonderful words we often forget to say in our busy lives. However the adoption process inspires us to say this far more often. Karen & I are grateful to you for taking the time to read our letter. We understand that you are considering perhaps the most difficult decision you will ever make.
Over the past five years, we have hoped to be parents but have been unable to bear a child. We underwent some initial infertility treatment, but, ultimately, we decided this didn’t feel right for us – through our love for our Goddaughter, Eboni, and the joy we’ve had working with children, we already know how much we can love a child. We knew adoption was the right choice for us.
If chosen to be the adoptive parents for your child, you will be placing tremendous trust & faith in us. We can’t wait to love a child and give them a wonderful life. We will honor your trust. You are making our dream come true. If you would like to stay in touch, we are open to staying connected over the years – we think it’s helpful for a child to know and love both his/her birth-family and adoptive family. We’re open to in-person visit(s), photo/letter updates….we are open to learning what would be meaningful for you. Thank you for considering us.
Karen:
My work as our local children’s librarian gives me the chance to introduce the world of books and wonder to children in the pre-school, elementary and middle school years. I feel blessed to work in a field that is so rewarding. The morning starts off with preschoolers who love stories, songs and mostly movement. The afternoon children who come in afterschool have different needs, some welcome help with homework, some come to gather with friends and, for others, the library is a safe haven. I am known as Miss Karen — as a friendly face and a listening ear.
I look forward to bringing armfuls of books home for our child. My job has amazing flexibility so that I can prioritize being a parent –including a full year of parental leave and adaptable hours after that.
When I think about some of the things I would like to do as a parent, I think about reliving the fun I had just growing up. When you are very young into the teen years, life is an adventure — there is always something to learn. I hope to make that journey as a parent. I want to share the gift of humor with a child; I think Patrick and I laugh every day. I really want to relive loving the Children’s Museum!
We took Eboni and we ran and played all day (the best). I can picture myself and Patrick sitting in a pew in our church, not only as a couple, but as a family. One of the most important things I can picture is going out for ice cream on Sundays (yes even in the winter). I want the not-so-glamorous sleepless nights with an infant. I also want the terrible two stage where the word of the day is “no.” I will pray during the pre-teen years where the favorite response is “Whatever.” The teen years will probably be a time of sleepless nights again because of a missed curfew. Overall, we anticipate a wonderful experience as parents because we will really, really listen to our child. Our home life will be of unity and love.
Patrick:
I have also had a lifelong interest in children’s development and education. During my high school and college years, I volunteered at day care centers, as part of community outreach programs. The experience was so rewarding, I adjusted my schedule to allow a full day to train at the day care center during college. I loved watching how young children gain skills, capacity and confidence. I loved encouraging them. The pure joy and challenges in working with children led me to study education in college. I found that men were not well represented in the younger education programs which led to my choosing a college known for the early childhood education department. My junior year included teaching at the on campus Nursery School, working with children with special needs. My senior year, I did my student teaching and completed my degree with certification for Nursery school thru 6th grade.
After school, however, the jobs I found were in another aspect of industry, business or technology. I found my education informed my appreciation for how people learned, but I also realized I had an interest in computers. I obtained some additional training and now work as a computer administrator.
I’m grateful for a job in a growing field and a position that involves a considerable degree of flexibility so that I can be an active parent with Karen. I also know that being a parent will bring back all the wonder and wisdom I gained through working with children earlier in my life.
Part of our pledge to you and your child is that we will pass on the gift of education. We have already started an education fund so that our child will be amply supported through college or vocational program that matches their interests and goals.
Karen:
We are grateful for established careers, family friendly employers and flexibility in our work lives. After my year of parental leave, we both look forward to flexing our hours to maximize the time that one of us is with our child. There is a child care center across the street from the library; where I can say hi and see our child at various times throughout the day.
The child we adopt will have parents who are deeply in love. We met on a snowy cold February night. Our planned one hour date at a local seafood restaurant lasted for three hours; we just talked and talked the night away. It was the start of something special. We continued to see each other and found that our connection grew stronger. When Patrick proposed, I was an immediate yes — We were married on a warm sunny day with a church full of family and friends. We will always remember the horse drawn carriage from the church to the inn — it was a beautiful day that warms us even now.
It has been said that raising a child takes a village, so the saying goes. Our family of aunts, uncles, and cousins all support our decision to adopt as they have in the past with other members of the family.
Our AME church community enthusiastically supports our decision.
We want you to feel comfortable that your child will be given support and opportunities to grow healthy in soul, body & mind surrounded by a loving village.
Karen about Patrick:
I love Patrick because he is the kindest person in world — he is extremely thoughtful and patient. Patrick gives me hug every day before he leaves for work; I like that he is affectionate. I value that Patrick lives by the golden rule of do onto others. He never holds a grudge and is extremely slow to anger. We are extremely compatible it may not seem like it on the surface but we are definitely two halves that make a whole. We share an interest in books, movies, family, friends, long walks, some travel, skee ball and board games (especially backgammon).
Patrick is creative. He has a unique way of giving gifts. One morning I went into the bathroom opened the medicine cabinet and wrapped next to the Q-tips was an Angry Birds pen. I get into my car to drive to work there was an Angry Birds notebook on my seat. I just laughed. It felt like an Easter egg hunt without the hunt, just a series of surprises. I can see Patrick leaving sweet “surprises” in a small backpack, under a pillow or in the arms of a teddy bear for a child.
School and Education
We live down the street from a very well-regarded elementary school. The town has an excellent school system. The neighborhood has many families with children walking dogs and riding bikes. Our backyard has an excellent spot for a swing set and slide. If we venture down the street there is a fun and safe playground.
Patrick about Karen:
Karen is the surprise of my life. After our first dinner together, there was something special. She is so easy to talk to about the issues of the day be it personal, work, or life in general. Every day we spend time together just talking. There is a balance between us that allows us to meet each day with that little extra knowledge that love awaits us at home.
The simplest gift is the best. On the bookcase in the living room is a candy dish from my grandmother. Some days when I get home, there are the multi-flavored tootsie rolls in the dish. These are my favorites. Karen bought these for me to enjoy after a long day of work. When I come home to a filled dish a smile rushes over my face. This is a good day despite all else that may happen.
Parenting is a big responsibility that I believe Karen & I can complement one another on. When we spend a weekend with our godchild, Eboni, I smile.
Not just at our godchild, who is 4, but at Karen as she interacts. Karen has a unique way of steering a child thru an issue just by using questions, a song, or just talking with a child. She can get a child to stop crying by engaging the child. She brings out a smile in an unhappy child. She can get a child to laugh. These are skills she developed thru her job working with children.
I like activities with Eboni. Reading a book, kicking a soccer ball, playing catch, even dancing, though not well, but luckily most children do not judge on style. There is nothing better than a good cup of tea during a tea party with Eboni! Although, on cold days, I wish it was real. Being Uncle Pat is a nice feeling.
Cats
We both had pets growing up – our dogs and cats gave us important early lessons in responsibility and love. A child in our family would also know the comfort, entertainment, and companionship of our cats, Sparkey & Schadow. When visiting a pet store, Karen saw an orange tabby and immediately stated, “It’s Sparkey!” Sparkey & his sister, Schadow, became part of the family. We both grew up with pets and look forward to giving our child the chance to love them too.
We’d like to close this letter with the same sentiment with which we started: Thank You. Thank you for considering us and taking the time to read our letter.
We wish you all the best in your efforts to make a plan for your child that feels loving and reassuring to you. We would welcome a chance to talk, meet and contemplate the road to building a loving plan, together with you. Please let us or our agency know, by calling 1.800.452.3678 if you have questions you’d like to ask us, if you’d like to have a conversation or meet. Whatever you decide, we wish you the very best.
Warmly,