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Dear Birthmother Letter / Profile
Steve and Laure

Dear Birthmother:

Although no one can know exactly how you are feeling as you read this letter, I (Laure) am familiar with the mixed emotions you may be experiencing. I was once in a situation similar to yours. Many years ago, I made an adoption plan for my baby; I placed her in a loving family. As a birthmother, I was able to make such a courageous decision because of the support I had from others. That is my wish for you: that you have enough support to enable you to weigh your options and to make the right decision for both the baby and you.

When I made an adoption plan for my daughter, I did it with the hope that someday the circumstances would be different and I would be able to raise a child myself. Many years later, my life truly has come full circle as I now have what I lacked then: a loving marriage with a stable husband, a nice house in a good neighborhood, a college education and a successful career, and a solid financial base. As a result, it is now possible for me to be a full-time, stay-at-home mother, but the irony is that we are unable to have children. The doctors have told us there is virtually no hope that I'll become pregnant.

So we are looking for a birthmother to make our dream of parenthood come true, a birthmother who will help to complete a "birthmother-to-adoptive mother" circle of love in my life, and someone who can move forward in her own life assured that the adoption was the best decision for herself and for her child.

If you choose us to parent your child, he or she will grow up knowing of your love and of your unselfish decision. You can move through the rest of your life with regular updates and photographs of your child, if you wish, or other contact if you'd like. We would welcome a chance to meet you, if you'd like this too. It's very important to us that you're able to go forward in your life, as I did in mine, confident of your decision, affirmed in your courageous and selfless act and certain of your child's welfare.
Steve: Learning about Laure's experience as a birthmother and speaking with friends who have adopted has opened the world of parenthood through adoption for me. Once we moved beyond the sadness of unsuccessful fertility treatments, Laure and I realized that our family could be a very special one with the help of a loving birthmother.

Becoming a father is one of the most important things in my life. I have achieved most of what I set out to do in life, but I have one dream that is still incomplete: I long for the experience of being a dad.

I have many happy memories as a child like spending weeks at the beach, going to summer camp, celebrating holidays with relatives and playing games and sledding in the wintertime with my cousins. I want to be able to share some of these same experiences with a child. I'm eager for the day when I can read bedtime stories and tuck our child safely into bed at night.

My family has a tradition of baking homemade pies that I would like to pass onto our children. My mother taught all her children, boys and girls alike, to bake pies from scratch. I can make a pretty good pie from a whole pumpkin and the crust on my apple pie…well…you just have to taste it. I can imagine the fun of going apple picking in the fall with my daughter or son and then turning those apples into our own homemade apple pie.

Our family is large. We currently have 11 nieces and nephews, which are a source of great joy in our lives. For example, my six-year-old niece Chelsea wrote a story for school about the weekend she had spent at Uncle Steve's and Aunt Laure's and the goofy games we played. She titled the story "The Funniest Day of My Vacation" (really).

I long to see our child amongst the happy cousins. Not too long ago, we hosted them all for an Easter egg hunt in our backyard. That day, there was nothing more important to the children than finding all the Easter eggs Uncle Steve had hidden in the yard. We also love to go to their dance recitals and Little League games, to talk with them on the phone and to host them for sleepovers. Our refrigerator is already covered with their artwork and school pictures.

The cousins are eager to welcome a new baby into the family-the older girls especially are "baby crazy," as we've just witnessed with Caroline, Laure's godchild, the most recent addition to the family.

We met at a small, New England college where Steve worked in the business office and Laure worked in student activities. Our dates usually involved attending college events like concerts, lectures, poetry readings and basketball games. One of our most memorable dates was a "mystery ride," where Steve wouldn't reveal our destination-a wildflower preserve-until the very last minute. We still occasionally take each other on mystery rides and imagine the fun of passing this family tradition on to our son or daughter.

After a three-year courtship, we were married over Thanksgiving weekend. We rented an old, stone inn at the edge of the ocean so both sides of our family could come and celebrate our marriage over the long weekend. It was a great blessing to have all of our siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles and cousins share in the most joyful and important day of our lives. We're very close to the five sisters and three brothers we have between us and our parents. Though Steve has lost his mother and Laure her father, our child will also have three living grandparents since Steve's dad has remarried.

Laure will be a full-time, stay-at-home mom. Steve will support our family with his job at a college (which allows him the flexibility of spending time with his family). We have both made our careers working at colleges, which illustrates the importance of education in our lives and has the added benefit of free tuition for our child!

We would want to expose your child to all kinds of experiences, places, and ideas-it's a big world out there, and it can be hard to find your place in it until you have been exposed to much of what it has to offer. Our own broad experiences of the world have happened not only through our jobs at colleges, but also through travel and books. We both love to read. We're regular users of the college and town libraries, and we know that one of the regular excursions we'll take with our child will be to the library.

Travel is also important to us. We enjoy all kinds of vacations-a relaxing week at the beach, a long weekend cross-country skiing in the mountains, a visit to New York City to see Broadway shows and the museums, or a visit to the family farm where Laure's mom grew up in the Midwest. We love to go to basketball and baseball games, musical concerts and theater performances. Another advantage of working on a college campus is that something interesting is happening there practically every single day.

Laure: From the time we started dating, I knew Steve was a very sensitive and caring man who was not afraid to express his feelings and show his love. I know he will be this way with a child.

One example of Steve's generosity and compassion is his participation in a 200-mile bike race to raise money for cancer research. Since it was cancer that took the life of his mother, he wanted to dedicate the ride to her memory. He wrote personal letters to friends and family asking for their support and suggesting that their contribution could also be made in memory of a loved one they had lost to cancer. He asked them to send pictures of those loved ones, which he rigged to a plastic photo frame on the handlebars of his bike. He said those photos-especially the one of this mother-gave him inspiration during the grueling two-day ride.

Steve: I know Laure and I will be good parents, and we are eagerly anticipating this happy day. We have a true partnership and shared perspective on how we want to raise children.

Laure will make a wonderful mother. She is a natural homemaker, as she loves to cook, to garden, and to entertain our family and friends. My family loves her for her friendly nature and her lively sense of humor. "Auntie Laure" holds a special place in my nieces' hearts because of her genuine warmth and affection for them. She's always ready to play games and be silly with them, and never visits without a special little treat or surprise (like storybooks or homemade cookies). She makes each one of them feel very special.

Family togetherness is most important to Laure. She is always eager to host our family and friends for Sunday dinner, for holidays, or for a cookout on the deck and a round of volleyball or croquet in the backyard.

We remember our own childhoods and the many special things our parents did to make our childhoods happy and memorable. We'd like to carry on these traditions with your child, such as making homemade valentines, baking Christmas cookies for the neighbors, discovering together which birdseed attracts which birds, and planting fall bulbs in the garden and waiting for them to sprout in the spring.

We are eager to cross country ski and bike ride with our son or daughter, to enjoy the outdoors and explore the countryside. Steve likes woodworking and house projects and looks forward to teaching a child about those things.

Every child deserves the right to explore and find his or her own interests and talents too. We see it as our role as parents to identify and nurture those interests that will be unique to this child, perhaps things she or he will inherit from you-help us anticipate what those things might be!

We will give your child unconditional love and lots of affection and affirmation, while also teaching reasonable boundaries so she or he learns right from wrong, respect and consideration for others, and a faith in God. Involvement with our extended family and with friends in our community will support the values we want to pass on. Among those are the importance of maintaining strong family ties, a respect for all of a child's family heritage and a strong appreciation for the way that education can help develop one's own special gifts and the ways one can give back to the world.

If you were to entrust us to raise your child, you would always hold a very special place in our hearts and in her or his heart as well.

Just as I (Laure) have prayed everyday for the daughter I entrusted to another mother to raise, I would pray for your peace of mind and heart. All adoptive parents are grateful to the birthmother who makes their dream of parenthood a reality. But as a fellow birthmother, you'll know my gratitude runs even deeper with the full appreciation of this precious gift you're considering giving to us.

Thank you for reading our story. If you would like to talk and share with us some of your wishes, please call Full Circle at 1-888-452-3678.

Very sincerely yours,

Laure and Steve

Full Circle

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