Dear Expectant Parent(s),
Recently, my dear friend Kurt said to me, “Moira, I think that your next great love is going to be the child you adopt.” When I heard those words, my heart and my head cried out, “Yes. Yes. Yes.” That was the moment I realized that I was ready. I am a teacher with a love of children and summer vacations free to spend showing a child the world. I am financially stable and have funds I can’t wait to spend on raising, educating, and spoiling (just a little) a child. I have a sweet little cottage in Rhode Island with a backyard to play in. I have Saturday morning waffles to make and an abundance of love to give. And now, with your help, I want nothing more than to become a mother so I can share my life with a little boy or girl.
Getting to this point of being ready was a long, and sometimes sad, journey. When I was younger, I decided to wait until I was more settled and financially secure before trying to get pregnant. In my thirties, I thought I was on that path. My best friend, Jenn, and I discovered we were in love with each other, and we began a life together. It was a good life, and after we were married in 2011, we set about building a family.
Unfortunately, three years and four doctors later, I wasn’t able to get pregnant. Just when we were seriously considering adoption back in 2014, Jenn was killed in an accident. Needless to say, my plans to become a mother had to be put on hold so I could care for myself and figure out what my life would look like without my most important person in it.
Until that moment with Kurt, I wasn’t sure I could parent on my own. But, in that moment, I realized I’m not on my own. I have a whole village of family and friends behind me, eager to love and support my child. Now I just need you to help bring that child into our village!
My two older sisters and I have a very strong bond. After we lost our mother to cancer when I was eleven, we held one another close and relied on each other to weather the storms of adolescence.
One of my sisters, Deidre, lives less than an hour away from me in Eastern, Massachusetts and I see her all the time. Deidre (Dee, as we call her) is full of songs and jokes, and she is happy to draw frogs and mermaids with little kids all day long. Dee has all the makings of a favorite aunt; every kid that meets her falls in love with her.
My other sister, Karen, lives in North Carolina with her husband and their son Brendan. Karen is the quiet sister. (Unlike me, she never had a teacher tell her to quiet down in school.) She is a gentle and patient mother. Her son, my sweet nephew, Brendan, is funny and kind. He plays soccer and the guitar, and he is really excited to have a new cousin. Karen (Ka, as we call her) and her husband Stuart (a true Southerner, born and raised in North Carolina) come up for a nice long visit every summer with the rest of our family—aunts, uncles, cousins and all their kids—to Cape Cod. Ka and Stuart are looking forward to building sand castles with their new niece or nephew, your child, soon!
While my father was not always around in in my adolescent years, he is now a super Grampa to my nephew Brendan, eager to read lots of books and take trips to the movies. Though I have told him that the adoption process can take a long time, he calls every few weeks to ask me if I have any news about when it might happen. He is just so excited to have another grandchild to spoil that he can’t stop calling to ask if a little one will be joining the family soon.
I have always been close with my mother-in-law, Barbara. Even now, after my wife’s passing, I talk to her weekly and drive up to see her in Northern New York as often as I can. If anyone was ever built to be a “Grammy,” it is her. She has a special relationship with each of her grandchildren, and when I recently told her that I was planning to adopt, she exclaimed, “I can’t wait!” as tears sprang to her eyes and a huge smile spread across her face.
When my wife and I bought our house, we knew we loved the color, the location, and the backyard. We didn’t know we were moving in between two fierce, funny Jennifers who’d become like another set of sisters to me. It was because of “the Jens” that I began helping to run the Farmers’ Market in my neighborhood, sharing laughs as we sold corn and tomatoes. Neighborhood gossip at the market easily transitions to backyard barbeques at Jen and Mick’s house with hot dogs and burgers after we cool off in the pool. It’s here, too, that we have hatched the plans for most of our adventures, from trips to New York City, to our yearly outing at a nearby music festival where our families picnic and dance and laugh together out on the lawn by the ocean for two days every July. The two Jens have been my constant, daily support network throughout the eight years that I have lived here. They can’t wait for the newest, littler member of our neighborhood to join us!
Beyond “the Jens,” I have a tight circle of close female friends that I have gathered around me throughout my life. Among them, they have six sons ranging in age from six months to six years, and they have super powers ranging from being the best Special Education teacher I’ve met in my 21 years as a teacher to being a better dancer than JLo. What they all have in common is that they are great mothers who are smart and funny and who have my back 100%. They are all equally excited to welcome another child into our group!
My wife’s brother, Ike, has raised two amazing kids (my niece Marlo and my nephew Jude) who I love to pieces! From watching Ike sing to his daughter and son when they were babies, to seeing him flip on the disco ball that hangs in his living room for an impromptu dance party, I know—have always known—that he will be the best uncle. My neighbors Mick and Roger (the Jens’ husbands) are always close by, to help with cleaning out the gutters on my roof and to hop into the pool for some rowdy playtime with the kids on a hot summer night. They both have incredibly loving relationships with their own sons as well as each other’s sons. They, too, can’t wait to meet the newest member of our gang. My friend, Kurt, has been with me every step of the way since that important first conversation about adoption. He is eagerly waiting to play board games with a new young friend and to head out for adventures at the beach and tastings at all the best ice cream places.
The last member of the village is me. It’s hard, though, to write an accurate description of yourself, so I asked my sisters and my best friends to supply some words to describe me. To help you get an idea of what kind of mother I will be, here is a sampling from their responses: reliable, competent, nurturing, organized, resilient, patient, loving, consistent, encouraging, hilarious, and true blue. The qualities from the list that I see most in myself are that I am patient and nurturing, I am consistent, and have a great sense of humor. These qualities, as well as the support of my sisters and my close friends, get me through just about anything that life throws at me. I know firsthand that being patient with children is so important, as is being clear and consistent, and knowing how to laugh. The people who know me always know what to expect when I show up. My patient and good-natured personality is always my personality, even on days when life is hard. It is these qualities that guide me in my teaching and that will guide me as a parent.
What will life look like in my little yellow cottage with your little nugget with me? Here are some snapshots to help you picture it: Sunday night spaghetti dinners with homemade meatballs and sauce; watching movies and eating waffles in our pajamas on snow days; heading to the beach in the late afternoons in the summer with a picnic to eat after we play and swim; watching for the birds and the deer outside the cabin at Ike’s camp in the mountains of Northern New York before heading down to the dock for a boat ride or into the woods for a hike; Saturday night dance parties with the neighborhood gang, yummy goodness simmering in the crockpot, and kids and grown-ups singing, laughing, and dancing together; backyard fires in the fire pit with toasted marshmallows on warm August nights. This is not a life that I will have to create; it is the life I am already living. It is a great life, but it has a child-sized hole in it that I need your help to fill.
I’ve always looked forward to a time when I will have a child of my own to celebrate the holidays with. At Thanksgiving, my wife and I used to make thankful books and draw funny comics about turkeys with our niece and nephew while my mother-in-law prepared the meal. I look forward to inviting friends and family to my own house and getting out the art supplies to re-create that tradition after I pop the turkey in the oven and put the mashed potatoes on the stove. On Christmas, when we decorate our tree that we cut down ourselves, I will put on Johnny Mathis’s “Winter Wonderland” album, just as my mother always did, and we will creep down the stairs on Christmas morning to open presents and then watch The Grinch in our pajamas. Most importantly, we will spend all of the holidays as a family where my future child will know they are loved.
I am a high school English teacher, which means that I live my life on a school schedule. My vacations and days off will match my child’s, and I will be out of work in time to be with my child most afternoons, whether to go to a swimming lesson, a dance class, or for a romp in the woods with our dog Scruffy before dinner. (This also means that I am eager and ready to help with homework and to proofread book reports.)
The school I teach at also has an in-school daycare center. This will make pickup and drop off easy to work into my schedule, and will mean I will always be close-by throughout the day if I am needed. I can already imagine how excited my own students will be to meet my child when they see me arriving in the morning! When I recently told one of my classes that I was planning to adopt, they began to clap and cheer. Their trust in me as a future mother means a lot to me, and I offer it to you in hopes that it instills your confidence in me as the future mother to your child and helps affirm your decision to place your child for adoption.
Please know that I have so much empathy for you as you are making this hard choice. Also know that I am open to whatever level of contact you may want in the future. Finally, know that I am ready to love your child unconditionally, to raise them in a family that is supportive, has the financial means to meet their needs, and can set them on a path to a successful future of their choosing. Along the way, I can promise a lot of hugs, a lot of kisses (from both me and Scruffy) and a lot of laughs. It will be a good life. I promise.
If you would like to learn more about me or speak with me directly, please call Full Circle Adoptions at 1-800-452-3678.
With so much love and hope in my heart,